Out of Sight, Out of Mind

Sometimes it feels that because I am not in daily contact with certain people that I am no longer on their radar. Sure, if we bump into each other somewhere we interact as we have always done. There is no animosity, ill-feeling or even a whiff of anything being wrong.
Yet...

The in-between times illustrate the disconnect that can exist even between "good friends". I know that sometimes I get caught up in my life and that some of my friends feel that they are out of sight and out of mind. This week I had a good chat with my old friend Steve. Steve and I have a lot in common; similar family backgrounds, interests, reading habits and beliefs. I realised during the course of our conversation this week that it has been a whole year since I last saw or spoke with Steve.

I don't remember his daughter's birthday and I didn't know that he is coming to the end of his course. As I ended the call I told him that even though I do not contact him as frequently as I could or should do, that he and his little family are in my thoughts. And my prayers.

He's not out of my mind just because he is out of sight.

I decided I am going to try and contact those people that I haven't made contact with in a while and catch up with their news. Instead of waiting for people to contact me, I will contact them instead.

Making an effort - its important isn't it?

Word for today: connection

Stolen Whale Meat Scandal

Greenpeace launch their Making Waves campaign following a four month research project into the embezzlement of whale meat from scientific research into the hands of restaraunt owners. For more check out http://weblog.greenpeace.org/makingwaves/index.html

Peeved

I am really quite peeved today. The more I think about it the more peeved I am getting.

Only after booking hotels and paying for tickets to stuff have some girls now backed out of lainey's weekend. Although trying to hide it, Lainey was quite upset by this.

I could swing for them...grrr

Doesn't help that I am not feeling very well and been in bed since yesterday afternoon. I keep checking work emails and getting frustrated that I don't feel well enough to be in work and sort things out.

whilst I am on a rant what the bloody hell is going on with Royal Mail? Not only did Dr M's present not arrive, I put a package together for H which didn't arrive either so I had to cobble something together last minute and rush over to the station to meet her parents. Not exactly what I had in mind.

Word for today: annoyed

Dance for Justice

Last year, I helped organise the first ever gala fundraising ball for War Child UK. We raised £27,500.

This year I haven't been able to be as involved as I would have liked. I am hoping to take a table at the event. It will take place on 20th June 2008 at Altitude in London. There are 8 places going, if you think you would like to come along - let me know.

Word Power

'A word out of your mouth...can accomplish nearly anything - or destroy it.' James 3:5

There's a saying that goes, 'The deepest wounds in life come not from swords but words.' If you don't believe it look at the walking wounded; they're all around you! Are you yourself still struggling with the hurtful words of an insensitive parent, a schoolteacher, a marriage partner or a boss? The Bible says: 'A word out of your mouth may seem of no account, but it can accomplish nearly anything - or destroy it! It only takes a spark, remember, to set off a forest fire!'

I know this to be so true in my life. Some thoughtless words from my much revered English teacher meant that I didn’t wear a skirt until I was aged 20 and had one bought for me by my first proper boyfriend, A. Some words of fury from A, repeated by me in the heat of my reaction led to the death of a pretty good relationship. A thoughtless repeating of comments made by J’s friends about me dumping him led to me feeling guilty for being true to myself and adopting the “bad” person role in the relationship.

One day a woman came to her pastor with a troubled conscience. She had 'sliced and diced' just about everybody in church. 'How can I make things right?' she asked. He said, 'Take a box of feathers and drop one on the doorstep of each person you've criticised.' After doing so she came back and said, 'Is that all?' 'No,' he said. 'Now go, pick up them all up and bring them back to me.' A week or so later, the woman returned without a single one: 'The wind blew them all away,' she said. After a long silence the pastor said, 'That's how it is with words; they're easily spoken, but you can never take them back again.'

They are everywhere. These words, that cut, remain with you and when recalled, cut again.

Then there are those words that are left unspoken. The ones that I cannot bring myself to say because it means I leave myself open and vulnerable. Too vulnerable. I have built a hard exterior since A. I know this and talk of it sometimes just to ensure that the right people are aware of the reasoning behind my sudden aloofness at times. I know that in order to chip that away something spectacular would need to happen...or would it?

A couple of friends have just decided to split up. I felt this morning that I was reliving the very early days of splitting up with A as I dwelt a little on their situation. Weird how two people completely in love find it easier to express themselves vulnerably and openly to others and not to themselves. And yet not weird at all. The deepest, most precious and private part is wounded. Its been wounded by someone that its hard to hate because they are the one that is most loved. I understand that. Almost a mirror image of my dealings with A since we split up. Easier to tell others than tell him how sad it makes me feel. Easier to tell others that I am a little unsure of what I am hearing about him nowadays, that it hurts to know that he is behaving in a way that I would deem is completely out of character, hard to admit out loud that I am secretly afraid that actually what I deem out of character is now, a few years on – probably not so out of character.

J had the audacity to tell me that he loves me enough to wish me back with A if that is what I wanted. I told him that was a lie. He insisted it wasn’t.

Words....they are never just words are they? They can accomplish or destroy.

Think before you speak.
Speak the truth.
Speak the truth in love.

this and that

I feel I am on a rollercoaster at the moment. Lots of good, some bad.

A number of my friends have had great news just recently. I feel something is in the air. I am so proud of my girls, they persevere no matter and their focus and commitment does pay off in the end. H is now in Chile, the country of my colourful past. I am gutted that I cannot be with her as she discovers the Atacama, Santiago, St Raphael's glacier and all other wonderful Chilean things. I discussed going out to see her when she gets to Cambodia but a) she thinks she will run out of money before then and b) it clashes with the United Diversity land party.

Things haven't been too good with Lainey, things have been going wrong that will have an impact allbeit small on the wedding and honeymoon. She is stressed. One week to go before we head out to her Hen Weekend. The girls are being useless. I mean, really useless. I am starting to stress that she won't enjoy herself. I will do my best...but I can't do miracles. Fingers and toes crossed.

An old school friend J, has gotten back in touch due to Lainey's wedding celebrations. I think it will be nice to meet up with her again but I am hesitant too. Bad memories, if only they could be wiped away totally.

DW's father has had a series of mini-strokes rendering him in hospital. Every time I hear of something happening with a parents health I thank God that at least right now, Pa is fine.

My cousin M has had a beautiful baby girl. I am so chuffed and I wish I lived closer and knew M better. I have a "night off" tonight, where I may do as I bloody well please. So far I have chatted to 2 girlfriends, sent an email off about Adelle's hen weekend, done some chores around the house and tried to convince Squirt that she will get another job.

Now? I will find out a bit more about the DEC Burma Appeal, get a cup of tea, surf around the net and then read my book.

I have a good life. I know it.

Just a couple of things I need to get straight. I know I will.